I’d like to think I’m not a worrier. That I can compartmentalize my emotions enough so that disturbing and frustrating events don’t permeate my consciousness to the point of distraction. That I can use prayer enough to let go of events I can’t control so I can continue to enjoy the rest of my life. That I can accept the imperfection that is life and be OK with it.
But the truth is, I can’t.
I know my methods are lacking when I find myself awake in the middle of the night compulsively imagining possible scenarios and how I will victoriously prevail.
And then there are those things I worry about that miraculously resolve themselves. The worst-case scenario never happens, I never get to deliver my witty comeback, I no longer have to imagine how I would escape danger. The Big, Bad, Terrible Thing evaporates like so much steam from my coffee cup.
That happened recently. The Horrible Situation I have been wringing my hands about for five years simply ended. Poof. No more Big Problem. All that worry? Completely unnecessary.
And now I’m thinking: What should I worry about now?
Yeah, how ridiculous is that? The thing I was worrying about before didn’t happen, and now I’m thinking I should worry about something else.
I wish I could use logic to refute my stupid subconscious, beat my worrying self back into dreamless submission. Because I have no choice but to keep trying, I shall try attempt this approach by thinking positively, counting my blessings:
- What a pleasant weekend with my stepson and his girlfriend!
- Wished my best friend a happy birthday and enjoyed a great conversation with her.
- My refrigerator is so packed with groceries, I won’t have to go shopping ’til at least next month.
- Almost finished with a huge, time-consuming DIY project that I can’t wait to show you (coming soon!).
- It’s Sunday, and a whole week of potential awaits.
Take that, illogical subconscious!