Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 (or $200 million)

For some reason, I found several emails from my Beloved in my spam folder today. The same folder I usually just trash without looking.

Why would important emails from an important person in my life go directly to spam, do not pass Go?

Perhaps a better question is why would a man who works at home with a work-at-home wife need to send her not one but multiple emails? Maybe he is spamming her (kidding, ‘love).

But while I was fishing in the cesspool of my In Box, I discovered some fine gems. Lurking among the ads for Viagra and online dating (um, nope and nope), I learned I won the UK lottery and that I had an “overdue inheritance claim” (hmm, should someone have died sooner? why is it “overdue”?).

Apparently I’m likely to need company (All Lonely Wives Need A Friend!), a smoke (Great Cigar Deals!), Thicker Hair! and a Commercial Grade Surface Sealer!

I don’t even know what a surface sealer is, or what surface they’d be talking about. And I’m flummoxed about why it’s so urgent to seal my surface that an exclamation point is required.

Funny, no one was advertising to sell me a spam filter.

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