With this gluten-free pizza dough, I could have done without the math, too

Gluten-free products are improving surprisingly quickly.

It wasn’t that many years ago that the only gluten-free spaghetti noodles I could find were made with brown rice, and if I cooked them too long, I was rewarded with a plate of mushy flavorlessness. Quinoa noodles are a vast improvement and much more widely available than they used to be.

Ditto for gluten-free pancake mix. I’ve been impressed with two brands I’ve tried recently, and even my Beloved is willing to eat his pancakes gluten-free (I still make two pots of spaghetti noodles — one wheat, one quinoa — because he refuses to each gluten-free spaghetti).

I’m not a celiac, but given a good-tasting option, I choose gluten-free (my system thanks me for it even when my taste buds don’t). And I’m always up for a cooking experiment. So I gave Wildtree’s Gluten Free Pizza Dough Mix a try.

Pizza, like hamburgers on a bun, are hard on those of us who eschew wheat products. Gluten-free substitutes for standbys like pizza dough and hamburger buns are hard to come by, and when encountered, they tend to be … horrible. Gluten-free bread products tend toward the hockey puck end of the “light and airy” scale. Usually, a salad is better. And that’s saying something.

I topped my gluten-free crust with carmelized onions, spinach and blue cheese. I'm weird like that.

I topped my gluten-free Wildtree crust with caramelized onions, spinach and blue cheese. I’m weird like that.

Wildtree’s mix requires real yeast (which I don’t normally keep in my pantry) and eggs along with oil, milk and apple cider vinegar. This surprised me, but the chemists at Wildtree apparently know what they’re doing. The crust was airy and flavorful. I liked it.

For the record, my Beloved did not like it. He thought the texture was foamy. But honestly, foamy is preferable to cardboard-like when it comes to gluten-free dough.

I do have a problem, however, with Wildtree’s Gluten Free Pizza Dough Mix, and it does have something to do with cardboard: It’s the packaging.

The nutrition facts note that the servings per container are 14. To make the mix, one has to use the whole container at once because it requires one packet of yeast (I don’t know about you, but I don’t go around dividing yeast packets).

Pray tell, how does one cut a pizza into 14 equal slices without a compass and a ruler?

I’ve ranted about this peculiarity in serving size before with a pan of brownies I made a couple of years ago, so perhaps it’s a personal peccadillo, but it drives me crazy to use algebra to determine calorie count. If 1/14th equals 90 calories, then how many calories in 1/8th? Watching what one eats is hard enough without story problems.

The preparation instructions suggested making 1 (very thick-crusted) 14-inch pie or 2 12-inch pies; I can’t cut a pizza into seven slices either so neither option helps me. Even if I had spread the dough into a square or rectangle, I couldn’t have cut into 14-equal slices unless my slice was more like a strip.

And that’s even crazier than topping my pizza with blue cheese instead of mozzarella.

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