‘OK, make nice, give us the ray gun’

On our way last night to see “Sinister,” a horror-suspense movie about a true crime author who is destroyed by the quest to write a best seller, my Beloved and I were having a deep conversation as we dodged the panhandlers on the mall (because it was an effective passive-aggressive alternative to saying, “nope, can’t help you”).

I suggested to my Beloved that the behavior of a certain acquaintance of ours proved a theory of mine. My theory is not important here — it has to do with how one’s first sexual experience causes fetishes and even as I write it now, it sounds a little hair-brained — but what’s important is that I was espousing a theory of mine.

And my Beloved, who tolerates many of my strange behaviors (like my poor housekeeping and love for quinoa) but loves me for my smarts (and good looks), said, “That sounds like all your theories. You believe in moon phases and tarot cards and that everything is connected. I don’t think so. Stuff just happens. Sometimes there no reason for things.”

What?! Am I one of those crazy dreamers? One of those abstract screwballs? Is my Beloved in love with a weirdo?

The true is, I have always related with the polka-dotted elephant on the Island of Misfit Toys. I mean, I admit: I do believe the full moon causes lunacy.

And then this profundity crossed my mind:

You’re unique. Just like everyone else.

That’s the explanation I’m going to cleave to: I may be weird.

But so are you.

Note: As if to prove my theory on uniqueness, the headline for this post comes from “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” when Pavel Chekov is cornered by two FBI agents and waves around an inoperable phaser gun. “What do you think?” says one agent. “He’s a Russki,” says the other. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Of course he’s a Russki.”

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5 responses to “‘OK, make nice, give us the ray gun’

  1. Oh, there’s no question I’m weird. Quite definitely, and often deliberately, weirder than most!

    By the way: I had a passing interest in abnormal psychology once, and your theory is quite on target. Early sexual experiences, especially powerful ones, often generate fetishes related to that experience.

    And stuff never just happens. There is always a reason. It may be unknowable, but no cause is without effect. (If that were so, then all of physics is just plain wrong.)

    (Moon phases affecting people and tarot and ghosts and such… fun for stories, but not real. Even though cops and ER workers will swear things are crazier during a full moon, there isn’t any evidence statistically that this is actually so. Hate to rain on that parade, but it sort of goes back to the whole cause and effect thing… no causes for those effects.)

    • This is the best comment on Minnesota Transplant in a month. Maybe ever.

      First of all, deliberate weirdness. I think I have a new life mission. Embrace the weirdness. Look for the weirdness. Be weirdness incarnate. I love that concept. So far, I feel like I’ve been weird by accident. It’s much more powerful to be deliberately weird.

      Second, I need to audit a course in abnormal psychology. Mental note: Add to bucket list.

      And third, if I’m right about fetishism and wrong about lunacy, well, then I’m batting .500, and I therefore ROCK!

      Thanks for weighing in, Wyrd (is that pronounced “word” as I’ve always imagined, or is it “weird”?).

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