Where is your teen-ager learning about sex?

Thirty years ago when I was a teen-ager trolling for information about sex, I found it in books and magazines.

Not today. According to a new study, the first place kids look for sex information is on Google, which of course means “anywhere online with good search engine optimization.”

This info comes from “TECHsex USA: Youth Sexuality and Reproductive Health in the Digital Age,” a study from the Ford Foundation and ISIS Inc. and conducted by a by a trio of researchers, Robin Boyar, Deb Levine and Natalie Zensius.

Want to know what else your kid is thinking, learning and doing about sex? Here are some stats this stepmom of a 16-year-old boy found interesting in the study:

• 60% of 15- to 19-year-olds have had sex at least once. Fewer than I thought.
• Most teens are using birth control, at least some of the time; 93% of men used contraception the last time they had sex. More than I thought.
• 16-year-old boys are a lot more interested in information about sexually transmitted diseases than they are about birth control and pregnancy. Boys, generally, couldn’t care less about menstruation. Hmm, boys want more information about STDs.
• Focus group participants said they felt they were surrounded by sex and taught about sex but continued to be ill-informed about the mechanics and intricacies of the subject. Hmm, parents need to be open about discussing sex even though the topic is everywhere.
• Young men are more interested in learning about arousal topics (read: pornography) while young women are more interested in health and emotionally related effects of sex and relationships. No surprise there except it’s a good reminder to be open to discussing pornography and its effects on women with teen-age boys.
• Sources of information sex in order: online, health professional, family, friends, school. One kid said, “First thing, I Google.” But when asked the best places to learn accurate information about sex, teens put school first, then online, family and friends. Parents need to keep the paths of communication open.
• Where are teens going online? If they know of a website (and they admitted to using a search engine first), they are aware of Sex etc., Planned Parenthood and Go Ask Alice websites and a few others. Need to check those out.

I don’t get sex education questions anymore since my stepson lives with his mom, but when I did, I tried to be honest, use anatomically correct language and work my values into any conversation about mechanics. When subjects got difficult (“I have no idea what exactly the vas deferens does”), I bought him a book to read. I read the book first so I knew what kind of things the book was teaching. In light of this study, I guess an alternative would have been to look up sex questions online together. That way, I could have discussed how to determine good and bad sources of information (and throw a values discussion in the mix).

Bottomline: If your kid isn’t getting a sex education from you, he’s getting it somewhere else — like a random website discovered via Google. Is that really how you want your child to learn about such an important thing?