Resolutions I wish other people would make

The world would be a lot better place if only, well, if only beauty queens worked as hard for world peace as they profess to want it.

That’s the problem with resolutions. They require hard work. If only hard work were as easy as wishing.

If only.

As a perennial resolutions junkie who sometimes actually accomplishes what she resolves (how long did it take to “write a book”? five years? I accomplished that one this year), I’d like to see the rest of the world take up a few of my “if only” wishes.

While I ponder my own list of resolutions to lose weight, sleep more and work for world peace, here’s a list of resolutions I wish other people would make:

I resolve to stay out of the left lane. This one is for Wisconsin residents in particular. My Beloved hates it when slow drivers hog up the left lane driving 1 mile over the speed limit, and I hate listening to him nurse road rage.

I resolve to alert the authorities when I use the last of the toilet paper. Only a selfish cretin uses the last of the TP in the Kum & Go and then slips quietly away. Really?

I resolve to quit soaking Illinois taxpayers for outrageous public pensions. If you don’t live in Illinois and all you hear about is the federal fiscal cliff, you might not know how close to the edge of apocalypse the Illinois budget teeters. Here’s how it works: Public employees — especially those who work for certain municipalities and the state in Illinois — can retire after 20 years and then collect 80% of their salary in the form of a pension. People work until they’re, say, 48, retire to take not a vacation in the tropics but a new job, sometimes consulting for a service provider to the state, and Illinois taxpayers are stuck paying the bill. I’d have a lot fewer headaches at tax time if those perfectly healthy and capable former public employees between the ages of 40 and 65 simply donate their pensions back to the state until they really retire. I don’t care if you think you “earned it.” I earned a retirement once, too, and I lost the whole kit and caboodle when the company went bankrupt. It sucks but you’ll live to blog about it. I did.

I resolve to try topping my oatmeal with an egg, fried over easy. I think this must be the perfect marriage of breakfast foods, this concoction of high-fiber oatmeal with high-protein egg. I enjoy a runny yolk melting into my hash browns, but I just can’t stomach the egg-oatmeal combo. So someone else should.

I resolve to turn off the TV whenever I see Honey Boo Boo, the evening news or Matt Lauer mooing over the latest news of the royals jubileeing the queen, prancing around naked or toasting the next heir to the throne incubating in Kate’s innards. None of this information will make or break your day, and it only prevents the media from creating better programming to distract me from Facebook and O Magazine.

I resolve not to play games that bombard my friends to donate pounds of cheese to Chefville or piles of chips to Bonanza Poker. It’s irritating. It’s a ploy Facebook uses to dumb down my News Feed. Take your games elsewhere.

I resolve not to name my baby Xtina, Psy or Siri. That’s the best you can do? Your child is the once-in-the-world unique product of you and the mate with whom you chose to copulate, and you’re going to choose a pop culture reference as his or her lifetime brand? Jessica, Justin and Jennifer are acceptable, but only marginally. Now, if you’re thinking of naming your son Tiberius Napoleon, which I seriously considered when I never seriously considering procreating, you’re off the hook. That’s inspired.

I resolve never to clip my toenails or have sex in hotels. Ever. This will make my hotel experience after your stay infinitely better.

If only.

Oh, the joy of a new calendar!

I found myself at a Barnes & Noble bookstore today (yes, I was using a Garmin, and yes, I typed in “Barnes,” but I found myself there as much as I was drawn). And I picked up a beautiful 2013 appointment calendar.

I can hardly believe it’s time to think about the next year, but it is. The inside of this book is as lovely as the outside with its monthly calendar beside pages for weekly notes, and tabs (lovely useful tabs!) for each month.

It’s enhanced with quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh like “Every step, every breath made in mindfulness is an act of true love.” Of all the books that have slipped through my fingers over the years of many moves, I hung on to Hanh’s “Peace Is Every Step” for its timeless wisdom on living in the moment. This is exactly the philosophy I want perfuming my plans each day.

While I was in the calendar aisle, I spied the 2013 version of Marty Jerome’s Runner’s Day-by-Day Log. I love this calendar for recording my daily running/walking routines, and the 2013 version will mark the fourth year I’ve been using this log.

Because I regularly record my weight and mileage, I can tell you I’ve covered 660.71 miles so far this year, 245.35 miles fewer than last year at this time. I cut back on my mileage earlier this year to assuage plantar fasciitis pain in my left foot. My foot is better, but because of my log, I also know I weigh 7 pounds more than I did last Nov. 18. And I weight 11 pounds more than I did 2 years ago.

Hmm, have I gained weight because I’m running less? Or could it be that I’ve been eating too many of these?

Half empty? Or am I half full?

Introduced to these by a friend who described them as “crack caramel” because they’re so addictively delicious, don’t blame me when Sanders Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels jump into your cart at Costco.

Now that I have my new 2013 calendars, I can ponder new resolutions to lose weight, run more, live mindfully and eschew anything touting “sea salt.”

That’s all I will do for right now: Ponder. Action can come later. This week, I’m going to be grateful and gluttonous.

Post redux: On prayer, a president and a poll

Long ago, in a galaxy far away (OK, if you must be a stickler, a state far away), I was a radio deejay.

I was in college, and the university had its own radio station, and said radio station had dozens of shelves of vinyl albums (for you tweeners and teens, “albums” were those big black round Frisbees that looked and behaved a lot like music CDs — remember those?).

Anyway, back in the dark ages, radio stations didn’t have recorded satellite announcers, so they required live deejays to introduce various music selections, and volunteer college students looking for experience and possibly class credit were perfect for the position. This radio station provided index cards for various songs with the pertinent information for aspiring deejays to recite, but deejays added personality to their “shows” by ad libbing. And as you might imagine, underpaid and overtired college students came up with plenty of clichés to fill dead air.

That’s a long way to introduce this next post, the clichéd “oldie but goodie,” from Feb. 4, 2010, when the presidential election was but a twinkle in Karl Rove’s eye. Enjoy.

On prayer, a president and a poll
from Feb. 4, 2010

Even if you don’t like President Obama, perhaps you will find his words about prayer at the National Prayer Breakfast this morning to be inspiring.

I am trying to be a better pray-er. One of my resolutions this year was to start each day with prayer. I’ve created a prayer journal (that I am actually using!). I’m reading “A Woman’s Call to Prayer” with my book club. Improving my communication skills with other human beings is a lifetime project, so I expect no less effort is required in improving my communication skills with the Creator. But I am working on it, slowly but surely.

So this morning, as I was running on the treadmill without my headphones, which I managed to forget to bring to the gym, I had to read Obama’s remarks on the closed-captioning on the TV, rather than hear them. But perhaps they were sinking in better for me that way.

He mentioned many topics, including Haiti and health care, but about prayer specifically, he said:

“For while prayer can buck us up when we are down, keep us calm in a storm; while prayer can stiffen our spines to surmount an obstacle — and I assure you I’m praying a lot these days — prayer can also do something else.  It can touch our hearts with humility.  It can fill us with a spirit of brotherhood.  It can remind us that each of us are children of an awesome and loving God.”

Indeed. Love that sentiment.

If you want to read his whole speech, try this website here.

And if you have a thought about prayer, or Obama or Obama’s remarks on prayer, or something else, please comment. But be civil. As Obama said this morning, “Civility also requires relearning how to disagree without being disagreeable.”

There’s an app for Sleeping Beauty

“Get enough sleep.”

That bit of advice was among a dozen tidbits I picked up from speakers at two networking meetings I attended the past two days. It’s that time of year, you know, when all the “be healthier in 2012″ speakers get booked.

I am easily among the 80% of Americans who get enough sleep every night. I love to sleep (and I sleep in a great bed) so I have no problem prioritizing sleep over, say, housework. And I don’t commute so most mornings, I don’t use an alarm clock.

So while I didn’t resolve to sleep more in 2012, I did resolve to “embrace technology,” and I found the Sleep Cycle app while trolling for something new to try. It’s so cool, and it addresses a pressing need for people who don’t sleep well. If you have an iPhone, you must try it.

Search “Sleep Cycle” at the App Store. Download it for 99 cents. Read the instructions; it’s not complicated to use (believe it when you’re told to plug in your iPhone at night).

The app uses the iPhone’s accelerometer to measure how much you move during sleep which theoretically shows when you’re awake and when you’re in deep sleep (you move  less when you’re in deep sleep).

You can set your alarm, and the app will determine — within a half hour — the best time to wake you so you aren’t roused during a deep sleep cycle. But that’s not the coolest part. The coolest part is you get a graph at the end of the night showing when you were in deep sleep.

This was my sleep graph from last night. Over time, it’ll show an average of how many hours of sleep I get a night. If you’re the competitive sort, it might inspire you to go to bed a few minutes earlier to improve your sleep time. Which, if you believe the experts, will improve your health.

Here’s to your health!

This resolution is a stretch

No round of New Year’s resolutions is complete without an intention to lose weight or exercise more, right?

Isn’t that what everyone resolves on Jan. 1? It would seem so by the increase in volume at the local Snap Fitness.

I gained three pounds (which might be accounted for by an overly salty Chinese take-out meal or a big bowl of pasta for dinner) and I covered 1,005 miles in 2011, so I’m not too keen on losing weight or exercising more (how do I know I went 1,005.62 miles in 2011? Attribute that to a Garmin accurate to a hundredth of a mile and an obsessive streak of recording it; I just love my runner’s journal).

OK, enough with the obsessive detail, Minnesota Transplant. Sheesh.

I’m not resolving to exercise more, but I do, however, resolve to exercise differently:

I hereby resolve to stretch after every run.

My sciatica is acting up (do I sound like an old man?) and I think it may have something to do with the fact that my hamstrings are tighter than a 20-year-old’s creamy skin (oh, when you’re 20, you have no idea your skin is in the best condition it’ll ever be). And those hamstrings may be tight because, oh, I never stretch.

I used to do yoga regularly, and I’m thinking I could use a few more up dogs in my routine.

And so, in addition to making a comfy nest and embracing technology, I resolve to stretch.

Oh, and one more thing. If you’re into my annual new year’s resolutions, check it out here.

Tomorrow, we’ll wax nostalgic for the old year passed.

T-hugger (I resolve to embrace technology)

Resolution No. 2 for 2012: Embrace technology.

I used iMovie for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and when I successfully completed a video without too many complications, I wondered, “Why didn’t I do that sooner?”

I’m a directions kind of girl. I read directions. I wait for directions. I follow directions.

While I was painting today (and painting and painting), I wondered if I should have asked for better direction on “cutting in” the ceiling line. “Maybe I should have been watching Tyler more closely,” I thought. Then I thought, “Who cares? It’s paint. Just do it.”

That’s how I approach a lot of things — I am terrified of failing, so I tend to procrastinate and look for directions and ponder the “best” way to do it.

I am not a leader with technology. Sometimes, when things are going well, I’m a fast follower, but I’m not the one who dabbles in technology first. I didn’t get my first cell phone until 2002, for goodness sake (who needs to be that plugged in? Hah!).

But in 2012, I resolve to jump in.Try it. Muck it up. Break it (if I break it, I will try the go-to solution every IT repairman relies on: Turn it off and turn it on).

Since I intend to live to 100, now’s not the time to become a dinosaur. And I work for Linea, a technology company built on sharing digital photos, so I better be a leader. And there are a lot of cool techie tricks out there for improving one’s life. For instance, I’m now on Yelp, a bountiful source of real-people restaurant reviews — and I’m going to start writing more reviews. And I swear, even though I adore paper and the feel of a book in my hands, I’m going to try reading a book on my iPad (anyone ever try Kobo ebooks?). And maybe, just maybe, I will give up my paper newspaper to read my news on my iPad. Oh, my Beloved will love that one!

The beginning of the new year’s … resolutions

After partying like a rock star on New Year’s Eve (really, I was wearing Lady Gaga-like platform shoes that had me towering over the common rabble, and when I heard a “Paparazzi” cover by the band, I felt like I had arrived), I spent the first day of the new year traipsing through home improvement stores.

Our quest began unpromisingly, but after four stops we acquired the perfect finials on clearance at Lowe’s, and now we know how we’re hanging those curtains we picked out last month.

And, people, I am here to announce, the talking has turned into action: The ceiling in the dining room has its first coat of paint.

That’s one of my New Year’s resolutions: To redecorate the house and make every room feel more comfortable and inviting. My home shall be a tranquil respite from the rest of the world.

New Year’s Resolutions: Find a mantra and make it matter

To make New Year’s resolutions that stick, think like a marketer.

Focus on benefits, not features. A feature describes (more noodles, hybrid power, sheepskin lining. A benefit is about desires (which means a heartier lunch, fewer stops at the gas station, your feet won’t get sweaty).

And use a easy-to-remember tagline. “Just do it” sings. “Got milk?” has generated millions of copy cats. “Tastes great, less filling” says something.

So, your resolution should focus on benefits and should come with an easy-to-remember mantra. In the past, my resolutions have revolved around “Let go” (I was proposed to that year I tried to just let things happen), “Make room” (I cleared clutter) and, last year, “Boldly go” (spent three months down south and finished my book).

I’m a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, and I’ll share mine tomorrow, but here are a few I won’t be making:

• I resolve to read People magazine like I’ll be taking a test on the contents.
• I resolve to obsess about imagined slights from minor players.
• I resolve to wipe the counter tops more effectively (my Beloved might like me to make this resolution but … not gonna happen!).
• I resolve to watch the stock market fluctuate wildly, move my investments around and lose sleep over it.
• I resolve to figure out the lure of Housewives of Anywhere.

Some things just aren’t worth worrying about. Major on the majors, I’ve heard it said.

Whatever that means.

This martial art is either too bold or not bold enough

Tried a tai chi sword class for the first time this morning. Part of the “boldly go” New Year’s resolution, trying something new and all that.

Note to self: Tai chi is not my thing.

I’ve done a couple of tai chi exercise videos, but never tai chi sword. It is essentially slow movement while holding a double-bladed sword. Think like a warrior. Conquer your stress while fiercely striking down your imaginary opponent.Very bold.

With moves like “blue dragon swishing its tail,” “killing hungry tiger” and “rustle through grass for snake,” tai chi sword has plenty of action and adventure. And, oh, the participants in the class were very serious. I made the mistake of joking about striking down a chicken, and someone said, “Chicken?! There’s no chicken.”

Rooster, sorry, I meant rooster. You say “rooster,” I say “chicken.” Whatever.

Not whatever. It’s a rooster.

OK. Understood. In a class where people are holding swords (plastic though they may be), you don’t argue.

I didn’t actually have a sword or an opponent – I just pretended. Good exercise in imagination; not good cardio exercise. Not worth getting up at 6:30 a.m. Imaginary sword will sheathed in favor of real running shoes.

Someone else can vanquish the dragon.

To boldly go

“Space: the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life and new civilizations,
to boldly go where no man has gone before.”

– “Star Trek” title sequence

I hereby resolve to become an astronaut.

OK, not an astronaut in the orbiting, space-suited, rocket-fueled sense of the word.

Rather, I will “boldly go” in 2011 in the courageous, committed way an astronaut explores the great beyond. I will go places I’ve never been, do things I’ve never done, pray fervently, trust myself and make no excuses for being uniquely me. And I will spend less time on Facebook and more time on my book.

My vehicle won’t be a rocket, but a 1983 Pace Arrow RV and a computer keyboard.

“And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink
but with the Spirit of the living God,
not on tablets of stone
but on tablets of human hearts.
Such is the confidence that we have
through Christ toward God. …
Since we have such a hope, we are very bold,
… and we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,
are being changed into his likeness
from one degree of glory to another;
for this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

– 2 Corinthians 3: 3-4, 12, 18

P.S. I’ve posted more than 300 times a year in 2009 and 2010, and this year I resolve to post on this blog once a day for all of 2011. If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and “likes” and good will along the way.