Personal presidential count

Generally, 98-year-olds can get away with things the rest of us can’t.

Talking about politics in polite company, for example.

I enjoyed a lively visit with my 98-year-old grandmother today, and at some point in the conversation (I believe it was right after her praise for the “Biography” episode on John Tyler, U.S. president from 1841-45), she observed that she’s lived through the terms of 17 U.S. Presidents.

Grandma was born in 1915, about halfway through World War I when Woodrow Wilson was president.

I marvel about that. She was alive when Woodrow Wilson was president.

She remarked that her favorite presidents were Franklin Roosevelt and Bill Clinton. Before you dismiss her as a hopeless liberal, she said this about Barack Obama: “I don’t know about him.”

I think she’s still not forgiven him for ruining the chances of Hillary Clinton to be the first woman in the highest public office in the land which, for a woman who’s seen a parade of 16 other men through the Oval Office during her lifetime, probably would have been a nice change of pace.

Whatever her politics, it’s impressive that my grandmother — who still lives by herself (with some help) — follows politics and can form valid opinions about goings-on in Washington. My personal presidential count: I’ve been alive through the terms of nine U.S. presidents, roughly half of what Grandma has seen.

I’ve got a ways to go.

Here I am at the end of a tunnel, where there is light

Those who wait endlessly for news about a lost person do not do so in vain if they find hope and optimism in their struggle.

~ Pauline Boss

Among those books I’m letting go to the donation bin is a helpful little book called, “Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live With Unresolved Grief” by Pauline Boss.

I picked it up three years ago when my Adored teenage stepson Caswell moved out of our house to live with his mother two states away. His absence broke my heart, and just finding a label for it — “ambiguous loss” — helped me cope a little. It took months to put the pieces back together, but eventually, the relationship with my Adored stepson improved, and our lives — separated though they were by two states — came to feel like a new normal.

Boss’s book offered some nuggets of advice, and as with many other losses, time helped, too. Sometimes one just has to persevere through hard times.

Now, my Adored is soon graduating from high school and talking about moving back to our house. Some parents of 18-year-olds might not like such news, but this turn of events thrills me. Caswell is here this week, spending his spring break with us. We restarted the jets in the hot tub three times tonight before we finished our deep conversation about relationships and the future. He takes after his father, my Beloved, and I find him interesting and pleasant to spend time with him.

Which teaches me all over again that life changes. Bad days happen. Bad times get better. Happy days are here again. Savor good times because they come to an end.

Boss’s book was necessary for a season in my life, but I can let it go now to help someone else.

“As long as there is optimism and hope, continuing to work on a relationship with someone who is slowly dying can be a kind of victory, as can continuing to work on … letting kids come back home after they leave, knowing they will leave again. … If we do it with optimism, there is no absurdity in perseverance.”

~ Pauline Boss

Impressive bright pink seeds

My best friend, Jill, is the sort of amazing hostess who can prepare a complicated dish from a two-page magazine recipe, while simultaneously chatting about life, work and spouses and drinking a glass of red wine.

She’s multi-talented like that.

I admire her for tackling all kinds of Bon Appetit-esque recipes I would never be willing to try.

One time several years ago, she made me a fancy salad with pomegranate seeds because she knows I like entree salads, and she was willing to tackle seeding a pomegranate, a complicated six-step procedure involving cutlery and a bowl of water (interested in the how-to? You won’t find it here on Minnesota Transplant because though I watched Jill successfully accomplish this task, I’ve never tried it myself. But check it out here.)

All this to say: I found pomegranate seeds at the farmer’s market on Sunday. Not pomegranates, just the seeds. Someone had already done the hard work.

So I enjoyed them on my oatmeal yesterday, and it was delicious!

The yummy oatmeal has raisins, chopped pecans and cinnamon in it, topped with plain yogurt (sweetened with Splenda). Garnish with pomegranate seeds.

Happy heart day

I ran across this nugget today in an old issue of AARP The Magazine (not my subscription, for the record!). Under the category “What’s New” (new? really?) appeared the headline “More Sex = Longer Life”:

So says Margaret Pressler, author of “Cheat the Clock: New Science to Help You Look and Feel Younger.” We asked for her top tip (and forbade her from saying “diet” or “exercise”). Why does sack time extend your lifetime? Emotional connections make us feel young — and sex helps forge those connections. Cuddling and holding hands work, too: They release hormones that made you happy.

My liquor bottles have always suggested “drink responsibly,” but I noticed today my salt container admonished, “Be informed. Salt responsibly.” So, responsibility being the theme, consider yourself informed by this news about a longer life and celebrate responsibly. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Gluten-free pancake mix worth trying

My crazy busy day included the completion of the outline for my in-process novel (yay!) and a book signing (check out who stopped by to congratulate me on finishing my marathon here), but it started with these: Gluten-free blueberry pancakes prepared by my Beloved.

I was impressed, not only by my sweetheart’s generosity but by Bisquick. Most gluten-free bread products are awful, but these pancakes were fluffy and not too crumbly. They could have used more flavor but the blueberries and maple syrup made up for it. A dash of cinnamon to the mix might have helped, but on the whole this Bisquick mix is worth trying again.

If you’re looking for a gluten-free option, check it out (but you’ll have to find your wonderful spouse to make them for you).

Lucky 13 ways to make new friends

“Making friends is hard,” I heard someone say the other day.

I don’t agree. OK, making real friends isn’t as easy as clicking “accept” on Facebook; making friends takes effort, but it isn’t difficult. You just have to go looking for people and then invest a little time in them. I’ve made three major cross-country moves in my adult life, which is nothing compared to some nomads, but it gives me a little experience in how to make friends in a new place. Probably most of my friends were made at work, but that’s not the only place.

If one of your new year’s resolutions is to make more real friends, here is a list of places — besides work — where you could find new friends:

1. Book club: Check the library or a bookstore — ask people who work there because they might know of non-public groups you could get involved with. I love book clubs.
2. Dance class: I just watched “Silver Linings Playbook,” a movie about a guy who has bi-polar disorder and takes up dance. How about beginning ballet or belly dancing? Even Zumba classes, which is sort of dancey fitness, might be fun.
3. Professional group: All kinds of professional groups exist, especially for women. I attended a Smart Skirts gathering once in Chicago. Very cosmopolitan. Google can help here or ask a former professor what kinds of groups she might recommend or belong to.
4. Politics: Small communities are always looking for volunteers for park boards and other groups. Also, your local Washington or state representatives might need volunteers for their campaigns. The library might have a Friends of the Library group or a library board. 
5. Parent group: Whether you’re a mom of twins or preschoolers, a single dad or a stay-at-home one, a stepmother or something else, there’s probably a group for you.
6. Church: With more “spiritual” than “religious” in America nowadays, church might not your thing, but you can certainly make friends at one where you’re comfortable. Not sure which church/temple/shrine to visit? Try this quiz.
7. Poetry slams and book readings: Consider taking up writing poetry and reading it out loud at coffee bars. OK, I know this is a stretch, but even attending such an event and talking with the people who do read their stuff might be appealing.
8. Community education: Take a class in making meatballs or photography or anything else that might interest you. You’ll find people with similar interests.
9. Direct sales: During my time in the direct selling industry, I saw thousands of women make lifelong friends  You don’t even really have to sell much. Good companies have regular meetings where you can meet other people selling and using the same products. Pick a company whose products you love — like a food company or Pampered Chef if you like cooking, or jewelry if you like fashion, or Stampin’ Up or Creative Memories if you like crafts, or a candle company or Longaberger baskets if you like decorating your home. You can find a list of companies here. 
   
10. Leisure sports: Find a dart club or bowling league or bike group or jogging club. You’ll get exercise even if you don’t make friends.
11. Toastmasters: I loved Toastmasters, a club where you learn and practice public speaking. (This would be good for your resume, too.)
12. Knitting or quilting: Want to take up a new hobby? Almost every yarn store and fabric store offers classes and clubs for learning together.
13. Alumni group: Find other people who graduated from the same school as you. LinkedIn should have groups to find where you can make posts about alumni meetings or outings.

 Have you used meetup.com? I haven’t tried it, but if you have, let me know — depending where you live, there are dozens of options for all kinds of interests. Not finding what interests you? Create a meet up of your own.

Good luck on your friend quest.

She’s good people

“The true measure of a man is not what he dreams, but what he aspires to be; a dream is nothing without action. Whether one fails or succeeds is irrelevant; all that matters is that there was motion in his life. That alone affects the world.”

~ Mike Norton, author of “White Mountain”

I reconnected with a former colleague today. I just happen to be in the area, and serendipity allowed us a couple of hours together before she had to catch a plane. She made time for me even though she was heading out of town. I felt pretty special.

Always smiling, she’s the sort of person who brightens the room when she enters it. When she shows you her homemade aprons or talks about the pet food cookbook she put together as a fundraiser for a humane shelter, she inspires you to pick up a new hobby or reinvent yourself. And she makes you laugh! Oh, we laughed about silly things today. (Like Brazilian wax jobs. Don’t ask. You had to be there.)

This person makes me want to be Optimistic. More creative. Funnier. She’s has that rare skill of bringing out the best in people.

After visiting with her, I had to wait a bit in a coffee shop to be picked up by my Beloved. With a few minutes on my hands, I called up a mutual friend and reminisced about old times and caught up on the news. Oh, and we laughed!

In that small act, I hope I was paying it forward.

We’ll be right back after this message …

And now, a word from our sponsor (as a struggling writer with next to no income right now, I mean this quite literally).

(Listen,  I know you tune into Minnesota Transplant for pictures of my dog, stories of my exploits in the 1983 Pace Arrow and strange recipes, but into every bit of entertainment, a little advertising must fall.)

* * *

Many of you know me as Beloved, Da hubby or Monica Lee’s partner.

I am not a writer, and I promise that you won’t be seeing my writing on much of anything unless you own a company and need insurance coverage. I have a special request! While my beloved, a.k.a. Monica, has a beautiful way of expressing herself and all of you find her writings interesting (I do, too!), I am asking you a favor.

Someone out here in the blog world/friend circle/interested party universe has a connection. What I am asking of you is to take 5 minutes out of your busy day, sit back in your chair and think about who you know. It may be a friend of a friend, your aunt, your minister’s wife or a coworker’s husband. This person knows someone in the media — newspaper, radio or television — that might put “The Percussionist Wife,” Monica Lee’s book in the right hands of that media contact.

All of you know that Monica’s got something special here, and most of you know she’s not one to boast about much of anything. Modesty and warmth are two of her most admirable qualities. Her book is gaining traction, sales are brisk, interviews have started, but it has a resume similar to a new college graduate finding a job: It’s not what you know, it’s who you know to get the job.

I know that one or many of you know someone — that person could help — and I would personally be deeply in debt to you for your help. Monica won’t ask, and I basically forced her to post this on her blog, but I felt compelled to ask. If I could figure out how to do it behind her back I would.

It’s exciting times for her. As I watched her write this book, bring it to the book it is, it was like watching her come to full-term and wash away a painful piece of her past. Her excitement now comes from it becoming popular, the uplifting comments for a job well done and the joy it brings knowing that she’s help someone to review their own life decision and make a change for the better if necessary. I get great joy in being a part of her growth and “the book” has been a big part of our lives during the last couple of years.

Will you please take the moment I ask for and send her a name,an email address or phone number of the person you know.

Gratefully requested, Tyler, a.k.a. Beloved

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, this post should cure that

When people read my blog, I hope they sometimes laugh. I hope they sometimes  gain a new perspective. I hope they sometimes enjoy my clever use of words. I know some days I’m entertaining myself but I hope I’m not the only one.

When I write, I write with my audience in mind, but I write on an almost-every-day schedule for me. Writing something — anything — keeps me sharp and gives me an opportunity to try different writing styles. Practice makes perfect, it is said.

It has come to my attention that My No. 1 Fan looks for a post from me every day but not for my pithy prose or my newsworthy nuggets. My mother gauges my well-being not only on what I write but whether I write at all.

She called tonight and left a message:

“Hi. This is Mother. We’re worried about you. Haven’t heard anything from you or about you for [pregnant pause] several days. Bye.”

No kidding. That’s a word-for-word transcript of her message.

You see, it’s been a little more than 72 hours since I’ve posted here, and apparently that’s the threshold for issuing a “We’re worried about you” all-points bulletin.

Mother makes me chuckle. I would say “chortle” but I’m not exactly gleeful as much as I am amused.

I called Mother back and filled her in. I’ve been busy, Dear Reader, not abducted, forlorn or gravely injured so there is no need to worry.

In case you’re interested, here’s how I filled my 72 AWOL hours: I spoke to a lively crowd at a library (as lively as a crowd gets at a library) on Thursday night about how to organize one’s photos. On Friday, I had lunch over Thai green curry with the inspirational founder of the Association of Personal Photo Organizer who suggested the subject for my next book (rest assured, it will not have “sex” in the title). That evening, the clouds parted and I enjoyed a friend’s son’s high school football game under clear September skies and applauded loudly when my friend’s older son was lauded with an on-field introduction for his recent military service in Afghanistan. Saturday, I spoke to another lively library crowd about organizing photos and then celebrated the weekend with adult beverages at Oktoberfest (the evening included an enormous beef rib and a raunchy comedy show, too).

Life’s good. Busy, but “good” busy. The only reason Mother needed to leave a message at all instead of talk to me directly was because I was on the other line with my Adored Stepson. He was seeking writing advice; what words-loving stepmother wouldn’t be flattered?

It’s funny — in an “it amuses me” sort of way — what a personal blog does for my conversations with close family and friends who are regular readers. They get a dose of Monica nearly every day so when we encounter each other in person, they don’t always ask, “How are you?” because they know. Or they think they know how I am. Or they know enough; a few paragraphs a day may be all they can take about my exploits.

From my perspective, those few paragraphs are but a tiny glimpse into The Life Of Monica. “There’s so much more I could share with you and/or bore you with! Just ask!” And my mother, of all people, should know she’s the first person I call when I need a pep talk. If there’s “something to worry about,” we don’t have a “you read it here first” sort of relationship; she knows before you do, Dear Reader.

In any case, if you missed me during the past 72 hours, well, I’m flattered. And if you didn’t? Well, I’m back anyway, cluttering up your In Box. I hope you’ve found this post as amusing as I have.

Breaking bread with, or at least from, a friend

My friend Jill, whom I like to refer to alternately as “my best friend since seventh grade” and “the maid of honor at both of my weddings,” stopped by a visit.

The Minnesota resident was in Illinois on a mission for her work, and she came bearing gifts. She was fresh off an artisan bread class and shared a couple of loaves with me and my Beloved. Perfect timing. Here’s one of the pretty loaves:

Looks enormous, doesn’t it? It’s cracker bread, and it was filled with air. As instructed, I tapped on the top and was rewarded with crunchy shards of sesame-flecked dippers.

I served it with hummus and a bowl of homemade cream of asparagus soup (made without cream and garnished with asparagus tips). Mmm, mmm, good.

Thanks, Jill!

I can’t tell you how to make artisan bread (yeast and kneading are not my thing), but here’s the recipe for the soup:

“Cream” of Asparagus Soup

Ingredients:

• 1 russet potato, peeled and cubed
• 1 carrot, peeled and sliced
• 2 stalks celery, chopped
• 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
• 20-25 spears asparagus
• 4 cups chicken broth
• 1 tablespoon olive oil

Directions:

1. Break tough ends off asparagus and separate tips to use later. Roughly chop remainder into 1-inch pieces.
2. Heat chicken broth in a largish sauce pan and add all vegetables except asparagus tips. Simmer for 30 minutes or so until potato and carrots are tender.
3. Using an immersion blender, blend until smooth. Add olive oil and asparagus tips and simmer for 6-8 minutes (until tips are tender). Serves 4.