‘The Dictator’ may surprise you when you laugh out loud, in spite of your reservations

Good advice in many situations: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

When in Japan, eat with chopsticks.

When on Illinois interstate highways, drive fast and follow slow drivers with Wisconsin plates so closely as to pressure them to move to right lane.

When spending time with 17-year-olds, learn to appreciate Sacha Baron Cohen.

This is how I came to spend good money and 90 minutes of my life with “The Dictator” this past weekend. My stepson wanted to see it, and I wanted to spend time with my stepson.

Five years ago, Caswell adopted a new accent and a verbal tic for six months after seeing “Borat.” The 13-year-old delighted in Borat’s low-brow mockumentary humor. I must have heard “I want to make sexy time” at least 10,000 times. Thank goodness, he grew out of it. And yet, he’s a Sacha Baron Cohen fan.

And so, “The Dictator” held the promise of new lows and grating lines. And you know what? It wasn’t too bad. In fact, I laughed out loud several times. And, at the end, I very much appreciated the satire of the dictator’s speech on dictatorships.

Given that it stars Cohen, “The Dictator” is filled with potty humor, embarrassing sexual references, shocking racist comments and a musical version of a four-syllable expletive that will have you singing words that would make your mother blush. But it also has a plot, a love interest and a searing perspective on our American values that will make you wonder if the democracy Egypt is establishing with its presidential vote today for the first time in thousands of years is worth it.

You’ll appreciate “The Dictator” most if you have a strong stomach for shock humor, a basic understanding of current affairs and an appreciation for Cohen’s comedic courage. And, of course, love the one you’re with. Good company makes any outing better.

Ghost tweet is souvenir of chill weekend visit

Some 10-year-olds are fascinating.

I’ve never had a 10-year-old. Or a little girl. But once a year or so, I get to spend some time with a friend’s charismatic little girl (now 10), and she’s such a joy, I revel in her charm for a few days after.

We took the dog for a walk while I was there, and as we passed a “Recall Walker” sign, she asked, “What’s ‘recall’?”

Oh, to explain politics to a 10-year-old! A little bit of heaven for a political science major (earlier she asked her mom what “wigged out” meant — I was glad I didn’t have to field that one).

“Well, do you understand elections?”

After a bit of discussion, she decided she agreed with the homeowner — time to recall the governor.

Yeah, a 10-year-old with an informed political opinion. Refreshing.

She ran across my iPad and was immediately immersed in it. The video function (with my dog as her leading lady) was endlessly interesting.

Unfortunately for her, the only game on my iPad is Scrabble. But she figured that out, too. Once I changed the setting from “super hard with 7-letter words on every other turn” (my preferred form of torture) to “easy,” she even managed to beat the computer.

I figured out today that she ghost tweeted for me, too.

I noticed a tweet from Saturday on my account: “Chillin at friends house whoo whoo!”

I didn’t write that. It didn’t come from my phone, so I know my Beloved didn’t write it. The timing and the lack of punctuation point to the precocious 10-year-old with access to my Twitter account via my iPad. Does a 10-year-old understand Twitter? I don’t know, but she understood me enough to tweet in my voice. I was chillin’, and it was a “whoo, whoo!” kind of evening.

In a couple of years, my annual visit to her house likely will leave her cold. But we’re not mourning that right now. We’re being mindful of the present moment and delighting in clever 10-year-oldness right now.

Whoo, whoo!

Voting 101: Illinois Primary Election

The Illinois primary elections are Tuesday.

If you’ve never voted, or you’ve never voted in Illinois, or you haven’t voted in a primary, here are the basics you need to know to be an informed voter and enjoy the experience:

1. Make sure you’re registered to vote. Illinois voters must register in advance, so if you’re not registered now, get registered so you can vote in the general election in November. You can register to vote at most public libraries and municipal offices.

2. Determine your voting precinct. You can almost certainly find this online (in Kane County, click here; in DeKalb or other counties, click here), but if not, call the county clerk’s office.

3. Decide which primary you’re voting in. A primary election is the means by which parties choose their candidate for the general election. This means you can vote in the Republican primary for Republican candidates or the Democratic primary for Democratic candidates but not a mix of both. You might also have the option of other parties, like Green, or a nonpartisan ballot, which includes issues but not candidates. For example, in Hampshire, residents will have the option to vote for electric aggregation — which is a presumably cheaper alternative to ComEd. That question will be on all ballots, and it is the only question on the nonpartisan ballot (not sure on this issue? Vote yes unless you are employed by ComEd — ultimately it should save you money).

In any case, if you’re not sure which party to affiliate with, a simple litmus test would be this: If you think you want Obama to be president for four more years, vote in the Democratic primary. If don’t like Obama, you probably ought to vote in the Republican primary or another party’s primary (like the Green party). The Republican primary election is very lively this year because there are several viable Republican candidates for president.

If you’re 100% sure you’d classify yourself as an independent voter, you probably should ask for a nonpartisan ballot and just vote on the issues. Let the parties determine who their best candidates are, and you can pick from among them in the general election in November.

4.Print out a sample ballot and get informed on the candidates. See the links above for sample ballots for all parties. You may bring your sample ballot and your notes to the polling place.

If the only person you want to vote for is the candidate for president, you can find information on almost any reputable news website or type the candidate’s name into Google and go directly to the candidate’s website. Whatever you do, if you vote in the Republican primary, don’t vote for Rick Perry. Insults aside, he’s dropped out of the race but his name is still on the ballot. Voting for him is essentially a vote for Newt Gingrich, since Perry has endorsed Gingrich. If that’s what you want, you might as well vote for Gingrich.

Besides voting for the candidate for president, you’ll get the opportunity to vote for the delegate(s) to the party’s convention. You should choose delegates who match your candidate vote.

Besides the presidential race, there are a number of contested races for county seats in Kane County, especially on the Republican side, so it behooves you to be informed. If you’d prefer, simply vote for the candidates you know and leave the other races blank.

5. Show up at the polls between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. This is when lines will be shortest. If you can’t make it in the middle of the day, show up anyway and do the duty of a proper citizen.

If you’ve never voted before, find a friend to go to the polls with you. As in all things in life, there is courage in numbers.

The state of the nation depends on an informed electorate. Voting is a small but important act of citizenship. Exercise your right.

On the stump

Nothing impresses the voters like grassroots campaigning.

Why do you think politicians spend days and weeks in a bus, crisscrossing a state, kissing babies and shaking hands?

Getting in voters’ faces works.

It may not work as well as negative campaign ads, but it’s certainly a lot cheaper when you’re running for a county seat rather than, say, president.

Illinois’ primary election is two weeks away, and I met one of the Republican candidates for Kane County Auditor yesterday. He was knocking on doors in my neighborhood, drumming up support. I chatted with him for a few minutes while walking my dog. Fortunately, politicians eager to meet as many potential voters as possible are not as long-winded some door-to-door missionaries touting the values of the Mormon church or Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Friendly man who seems sincere. Honestly, I may not meet any one else on the ballot in person. Geographically, he was a long way from home since Hampshire is in the northwest corner, and he’s from Big Rock, in the southern end of the county.

It seems I will have to do some homework. Apparently, the county auditor seat is being vacated so there is no incumbent. I don’t know whether I’ll vote Republican or Democrat in the primary, but there may be as many Democratic candidates running for the office as Republican ones.

In any case, his willingness to invest shoe leather in his campaign impressed me.

And meeting a live candidate in the street sure beats hearing a recorded candidate on a robo-call in my kitchen.

The answer to ‘Who is Newt Gingrich?’ and ‘Why should I care?’

So Newt Gingrich wins the South Carolina primary yesterday.

Well, well, well. This might be an interesting election season after all.

For those of you who ask, “Who’s Newt Gingrich?” or who ask, “Who cares about primary elections in South Carolina or anywhere else?” let’s discuss your role in a democracy.

In a democracy, you don’t run the country, but you elect who does. If you care about how your country works (or doesn’t), you ought to care about elections.

Primary elections come before general elections because in primaries, the voters for each party choose their candidates for the general election. This is important and newsworthy this year because it’s a presidential election year. Therefore, parties are choosing their candidates for president.

For Democrats, it’s easy: Since Obama is eligible to serve a second term, he’s the go-to choice for Democrats.

Republicans are looking for a good man (the choices now are all men) to beat Obama.

No one person has emerged as a clear choice which means Republican voters in upcoming primaries may actually cast meaningful votes. Unlike the general election which is Nov. 6, each state chooses when to have its primary or, alternatively, caucus. For Minnesota Transplant readers, the caucus in Minnesota is Feb. 7. In Illinois, the primary is March 20. In Texas, the primary is April 3.

At this point, there for four main Republican presidential candidates:

• Mitt Romney, a former governor from Massachusetts with lots of hair and money.
• Newt Gingrich, a former Speaker of the House with lots of hot air and ex-wives.
• Rick Santorum, a former congressman who claims to be a “true conservative” with lots of kids.
• Ron Paul, a former ob/gyn and current congressman who has delivered lots of babies and refuses to participate in the congressional pension system.

Now that the clown brigade of Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry have dropped out of the race, the Republicans have some interesting choices.

I would love to see Newt Gingrich emerge victorious if only for one reason: The presidential debates would be the best reality TV in years.

To see two fine speakers with diametrically opposed philosophies go head to head in a series of Lincoln-Douglas style debates is a poli-sci major’s dream.

Oops, have I lost you? Back in 1858, Abraham Lincoln (who later became president) was running against Stephen Douglas for U.S. Senate. The two lively speakers engaged in a series of debates around Illinois that have become icons of the political debates in that they place high value on logic, ethical values and philosophy.

Anyway, to see Obama and Gingrich go at it on important topics like the economy, Washington politics and foreign policy would be fascinating. Both men can speak intelligently without a bunch of puppeteers pulling the strings.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves: Gingrich may still flame out, leaving us with Mitt Romney.

More than a decade ago, a good-looking salesman joined the team at my place of employment. He looked good and sounded even better, but over time, it became apparent he was all flash, no substance. A colleague (who, by the way, wasn’t nearly as handsome) called him an “empty suit.” I fear that’s what Mitt Romney is. An empty suit.

Gingrich, on the other hand, is popping his buttons, he’s so full of substance. By his own account, “I think grandiose thoughts.”

In any case, I would prefer a president with a big head over one in an empty suit. And in the short term, Gingrich would make the coming months leading up to the November election a lot more interesting than Romney would. And interesting candidates are conducive to engaging the populace.

Here’s to well-informed voters. Be one.

Salve for too many, too much, too hungry blues: Reduce, reuse, recycle and do without

Planet Earth will be home to 7 billion people by the end of this month, according to the U.N. Population Fund.

That’s roughly twice the number that inhabited the planet the year I was born in 1966. World population is climbing at an accelerating rate, expected to high 8 billion in just 14 years and 10 billion by 2083.

The abstract concept of billions of people reminds me of a concrete example of overpopulation in and episode from the original “Star Trek” series, “The Mark of Gideon.” The planet Gideon was so overpopulated that its inhabitants were constantly crowded against each other. The images of all those faces pressed against the windows, looking for relief, was spooky. I feel claustrophobic just thinking about it.

It’s not a NIMBY problem for Americans, unless you consider Africa to be part of your back yard (we all need to think more figuratively, I propose). Most of the growth will occur in the slums of Africa’s cities where living conditions are deplorable, a New York-based researcher was quoted as saying in yesterday’s Star Tribune.

If those of us so blessed to live in sprawling suburban homes with four bathrooms and three-car garages don’t take action, we risk suffering the consequences of a smoldering powder keg fueled by political destabilization and desperation. The hungry masses will take action. How does one combat such oppressive misery?

Well, birth control for starters. Combat water scarcity. Find news ways to provide food to the have-nots.

Unfortunately, I can’t mail my day-old bagels in a vaguely labeled box marked “Africa” and expect them to make any difference. These are intractable problems with no easy answers.

I mentioned to my Beloved yesterday that it was World Food Day, and his come-back was, “Great! Where are we going out to eat to celebrate World Food Day?”

“Um,” I said, “the proper way to celebrate World Food Day would be to dine on bread and water and send the money we would have spent on dinner to a charity to feed the world’s hungry.”

“Oh,” he said, clearly disappointed bacon wasn’t a part of my answer.

That, at least, is a place to begin. Adopting the Depression-era attitude to reduce, reuse, recycle or do without is wise, too. Even if you’re not donating your savings to charity, you are reducing your dependence on Earth’s resources.

This approach can be accomplished in myriad small ways:

• Eat what you already have, be it bacon or bagels. The average American household throws away 14 percent of its food, according to a 2006 study on food loss and the American household. Eating everything in your refrigerator before you buy more food would save you $590 per year and would prevent millions of pounds of unnecessary pesticides from being applied to fields.
• After two years of resolving to recycle, I’m now doing it. Hampshire finally got new recycling dumpsters, and I dutifully divide at least some of my recyclables from my garbage.
• I appreciate fashion blogger Zhenya‘s attitude toward “thrifting for treasure”; she finds the cutest things in second-hand stores without sacrificing another cotton plant or silk worm.
• Through World Vision, I sponsor a child: Masamuel of Lesotho in southern Africa. Such sponsorship ultimately helps the child’s whole community.

What are you doing to shrink your environmental footprint?

The politics of frittatas

No matter what your political proclivity, frittatas are for you.

Potato & Herb Frittata with Tomato-Avocado Relish

A frittata is an Italian-inspired open-faced omelet, and I am so addicted to them, my Beloved now refuses to eat them, I make them so often.

But I had the morning to myself today, and I made an example of this delicious dish. It was so good, I just have to share (and maybe Da Hubby will be envious when he reads about it).

There are as many kinds of frittatas as there are shades of conservatism, so they’re appealing right now to Republicans, who don’t know quite what they represent. Are Republicans on the side of Main Street or Wall Street? Are they against taxes or for government bailouts? Are they Evangelical or Mormon? Or both? Or neither?

So it is with frittatas. You can make them with vegetables or potatoes or spaghetti or … wait for it … pork. Something for everyone.

Frittatas make a hearty meal any time of day. Since I’m on the dole right now, I had enough time on my hands to enjoy my frittata for breakfast, but if you’re less of Socialist and more of a Proletariat (that’s working class), you can eat your frittata at dinner.

The primary ingredient in a frittata is egg, a fiscally conservative protein source that would appeal to any Libertarian. Too much cholesterol in eggs? A Tea Party Patriot might appreciate cutting the fat by using egg whites instead of whole eggs. Feeling Democratic and want to share? Add more eggs and use a bigger skillet.

Frittatas are terrific for breathing new life into leftovers. Faced with last night’s vegetables, a leftover baked potato or the last bits of shredded cheese in the bag? Time to make a frittata. My dish this morning was built on leftover roasted yellow potatoes grown in my parents’ garden and a half an avocado leftover from who knows what.

Besides recycling leftovers, Green Party fans will appreciate all the locally grown produce you throw into a frittata. I raided my garden for chopped fresh mint, basil, chives and parsley, plus cherry tomatoes in the relish. In fact, almost everything you could throw into a frittata was probably grown domestically (I tried a fried plantain once, but honestly, a potato would produce the same effect), so you Prohibition Partiers who object to foreign aid should like that.

A member of the Constitution Party? Don’t forget to pray before you dig in.

Potato & Herb  Frittata with Tomato-Avocado Relish

Frittata Ingredients:

• 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
• About a cup of leftover roasted yellow potatoes
• About 1/3 cup chopped herbs such as mint, basil, chives and parsley
• 1 green onion, sliced
• 1 egg plus 2 egg whites
• 1/8 cup milk
• A few dashes Chipotle Tabasco
• 1/4 cup feta cheese
• About 3 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese

Relish Ingredients:

• 1/2 avocado, diced
• 6 cherry tomatoes, quartered
• 1/2 tablespoon olive oil

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees. Heat olive oil over medium heat in a small skillet. Toss in potatoes while chopping herbs. Toss in herbs and green onion, stirring occasionally while mixing eggs, milk, Tabasco and feta cheese in a cup. Add salt and pepper to taste.
2. Dump egg mixture over potatoes and herbs. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top.
3. Move skillet to oven and bake 10-12 minutes until golden brown. Meanwhile, mix avocado, tomato and olive oil in a bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste.
4. Remove frittata from oven, slide a spatula around the edges, and slide frittata onto a plate. Top with relish.

How many cans of tuna fish would be enough?

Did you see the Dilbert comic in yesterday’s Sunday paper?

Dilbert, the ever prepared engineer, says he stocking up on food and water in preparation for the complete meltdown of American’s financial system. I wonder if Scott Adams somehow intuited the failure of Congress to agree on a debt ceiling over the weekend?

Dilbert’s stockpiling effort echoes a number of conversations my Beloved and I have engaged in while he watches (and I catch bits and pieces of) reruns of “Jericho,” a 2006-2008 CBS television series available to stream on Netflix (yes, we have agreed to pay the “highway robbery” Netflix rate increases that equal about $4 a month for us to watch pretty much whatever TV wasteland stuff is available; some people can be such whiners).

“Jericho” is not bad as far as network television series go (especially when streamed without commercials and week-long cliffhangers). Sort of like a less sophisticated, less farfetched version of “Lost,” it tells the story of the residents of a small Kansas town who are isolated from most of the outside world when nuclear attacks wipe out most of America’s major cities. These residents grapple with no electricity, limited fuel, dwindling food supplies and lack of medical expertise while facing ominous threats to their personal and geographic security.

The show has made us think about what we would do in a similar situation: No electricity. Probably no indoor plumbing (unless Hampshire’s water treatment plant could somehow secure power). No food beyond what we can scavenge. Limited transportation ability.

Even if we plan ahead and, like Dilbert, stockpile six months worth of tuna, dried beans and bottled water, how do we defend it? How would you say no to starving mothers clamouring for food for their babies or scary suburban thugs demanding supplies in return for “protection”?

We’ve even discussed taking a course in handguns. While I, for the most part, support the goals of the NRA, we do not have a handgun in our house. Handguns aren’t for hunting — they’re for killing. People. I’ve asked myself, faced with protecting my home, my stockpile of food or my body, could I really pull the trigger to kill someone?

These are the dilemmas often faced by the residents of “Jericho.” With a possible deal on the federal government’s debt ceiling, I’m hoping we are spared a meltdown of the country’s financial system, so that talk of food stockpiles and handgun defense can remain comfortably part of the Sunday comics and television fantasy.

For now.

Who do you, who do you think you are?

Doesn’t this whole federal government meltdown make you crazy?

If you understand it at all, you probably have an answer you think Congress should pursue, but more likely, you don’t know what a debt ceiling is (really, do Americans understand the concept that there’s an end to how much you should borrow?) and you’re not even sure how to pronounce Boehner (who is he again?). It’s not BONER, I can assure you.

Does this make Gnarls crazy?

It makes me think of Gnarls Barkley.

Huh? How does hip hop relate to government shutdowns?

Barkley recorded a great pop crossover hit that was big in the summer of 2006 when I was training for a marathon. In fact, the memory of that song prompted me to download some tunes from iTunes yesterday. This is a rare enough occurrence that I got an email warning alerting me that someone had purchased something through my account on device “not previously associated with this Apple ID.”

Same old device. It’s just been a while, iTunes.

The song is “Crazy.” Instead of advice or demands, I’d like to sing this message to President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner (BAYner, people):

Come on now, who do you
Who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?
Ha ha ha, bless your soul
You really think you’re in control?

Well, I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
Just like me

Has Minnesota Nice been a casualty in the shutdown, too?

Inside-the-beltway folks consider Minnesota to have its act together.

So I heard when my home state was mentioned on The Diane Rehm Show’s Friday News Roundup this morning. Diane’s guests, all Washington political correspondents, chatted about the Minnesota state government shutdown.

State government has been shut down now for a full week, thanks to a disagreement between Democratic Gov. Mark Dayton and GOP legislative leaders. The standoff puts Minnesota in the national spotlight, and I have been hearing from afar of the predicament on National Public Radio.

Diane’s guests were surprised that Minnesota, of all states, would be so budgetarily bogged down, saying they think of it as a state that “has its act together” and a place “where people get along.”

At this, I snickered. Minnesota is the state that currently has a Democratic governor (elected by a hair’s breadth) and two Democratic U.S. Senators (including “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations” author Al Franken, also elected by a margin so slim it hardly exists). It’s also the state that’s home to not one, but two Republican presidential candidates: former governor Tim Pawlenty and I-don’t-know-how-to-describe-her-without-saying-empty-headed-Tea-Partier-though-she-calls-herself-a-Constitutional-conservative Michele Bachmann (click here to donate today and prove you’re empty-headed, too).

Noting the political aspirations of the duo, one of Diane’s guests said Minnesota is a “hotbed of political activity.”

Hear, hear! While political activity is at an all-time high, actual governing is at an all-time low, given the government shutdown.

The shutdown strikes me as perfectly in-step with Minnesota attitudes. Can’t agree? Fine then! We’ll hang the “closed” sign on the door and go home to chop wood or tend the tomatoes. Who needs government workers? We’ll be just fine withoutcha, don’tcha know.

I’m actually a big fan of government shutdowns every once in a while. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and highlights what government does — and doesn’t do — while saving a few bucks in the process (yes, I’m aware the experts say it’s costing Minnesota a few bucks to be closed down; I respectfully disagree).

I think a population that can endure winter for eight months of the year can probably endure a lot of pain related to a government shutdown. Those of us from states with an act that’s still rough around the edges (and corrupt to boot) will be watching.